I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
