either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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