I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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