Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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