so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize