I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
