I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
