We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
