Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
