Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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