After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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