if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
