I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
