Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
