she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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