haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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