ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
