She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
