No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
