So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
