OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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