Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(421): View more from

And she was only 16?

(1-421): View more from

You say that like it's a bad thing.

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(845): View more from New York

Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina

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(518): View more from New York

and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

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(402): View more from Nebraska

my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....

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(360): View more from Washington

I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."

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