Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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