let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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