never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
