I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
