my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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