I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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