i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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