end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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