I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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