Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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