I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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