I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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