She's JV to your varsity
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
