i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
