At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
