bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
