Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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