I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
