My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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