Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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