i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
