why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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