i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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