Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
