I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
