hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
