it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
