there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
