All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
