sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
