Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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