I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
