True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
