it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Let's get the cat blown out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
