She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
