I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We need to rekindle our bromance
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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