it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
