Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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