I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
