I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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