He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
