we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
