Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
