it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
