I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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