I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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