I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
