You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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