Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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