she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
