every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
